crying helps big time


today was a typical stupid day.
at least i got to meet valen, shannon and kai ngee=D
i miss them.
then they started to "Fight" with me.
and i told them i definitely stronger.
but they won,
but underhand means.
TICKLING i'm scared of.

then i went home and i was alone.
thought of team swimming,
and then all the pissed off feelings came.
>.<
so i sat, leaned against my cupboard,
suddenly started crying like shit.
i cried for 15mins or so then i stopped.
felt so much better.
but i feel more down.

i miss the team,
the times we had together.
now we only can be together on tuesdays.
every thursday i think of them meeting up to swim,
i avoid the canteen.

THEN. something badbad happened.
stoning is officially bad for me.
so i was half blind after crying,
went to take my pencil case to do homework.
then i stoned(rocked) ._.
badbad. try guessing what happened next T_T
painpain.

stupid.
stuppeeeeddd.
sttuuuuuupppiiiiiiiig.
i need to control.
if not it'll turn out like what valen said lor.
worst. and it hurts.
diverts attention but stupid.
torturing myself because of him..

yaya, blabla.
blind words and no action.
typical me.
and shannon was right.
she noticed the change.

quieter,
not so active.
this is what happened when HE came to change everything.
and i'd say i prefer my old self.
happy-go-lucky.
cheeky, mischievous.
at least i was happy.
maybe lets see if the teachers in SAPS can notice my change.
i'll try my best to hide it.

then today, school dismissed.
i went up to 2nd floor after getting pissed for no reason.
i was practically standing outside classroom after every lesson,
leaning my head on the pillar and dunno doing what.
then my heart felt heavy for no reason.

bleh. they're having race tmr.
i was supposed to be in it,
not running but at least in it.
then he changed everything yea.
jiayou carrots.

bla. thank my blog for letting me say all these out.
at least it doesn't have comments or whatever.
>.< where did all my happy posts go to.
i didn't think it would happen to me,
so it hit me harder.
and to think i thought i had 心理准备.
guess not la. what hit me the most,
was these 4 words from HIM.
"it's all your fault"
then the verdict.

then they could talk about race,
swimming everything in the morning.
and i would just pretend i din't hear anything.
*sigh*
wonder how long more can i take this.


it lasted longer than expected.
it may never be over.
thats what i don't hope for though.
i hope it would be over soon.
addiction;