hah, i managed.
didn't do it for a day.
perhaps its because i was "busy".
rebond hair,
bmt out with chang, zeng feng, benson and darren tien.
who has the time to do IT.

but i really hope i can continue this way.
the marks on me will stay throughout my life luh,
and it'll leave with me bad memories.
darn, why did i start and can't stop.
i wanna stop,
for myself,
to not piss lesbo valen,
and for those who care for me.

and fuck,
i pulled a muscle and its aching like !@#$
fark.
and i'm not in a really good mood now.
cause the chicken rice store closed on me,
i have no proper dinner.
what other bad things can happen.

and my mom constantly nags me to start on my homework.
and she doesn't know she's making me pissed off with homework.
homeworkhomeworkhomework.
blahh.. ;x
fuck you RVHS.
its holidays kay assholes.
we're supposed to rest,
and turns out there's homework.
CCA. <--- worst thing.
i have to face his fucking old face.

i'm still feeling mentally tired,
but i really want to try,
not to give up.
i don't think anyone will understand.
how tired i'm feeling luh.
i really don't want to let anyone down,
esp; myself.
but recently i just don't feel like waking up in the morning.
wake up to face reality.

i want to stay in fantasy.
dreams come through,
wishes come through.
everything is soo happy.
i could travel through time,
to when i was a toddler,
carefree, happy, cuddled.
to when i was old.
haggard, short tempered and dying. but happy.

now i have to wait for time to pass.
and see the meaningless cycle luh.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

when we're babies,
we have to learn how to obey orders.
learn to regconise people.

when we are children,
we have to learn the basics,
which takes a long time and vry hard.
and its compulsory.

when we're teenagers,
we get restricted by our parents,
scolded by teachers,
flooded with homework, CCA, stress and pressure bla.
and we have to score good marks to appease our parents..
and they say suffer now and enjoy life ahead.
pls read on and you'll understand why i oppose this statement.

when we're 20+,
we worry whether our parents rejects our partner.
we worry if we'll ever have a proper job.
and if we have, we have job worries. -.-
..

when we're married,
we worry whether we can have babies. -.-
we worry if the marrige works out.
we have to worry about our financial status.

when we grow old,
we worry if our children are successful in life,
we worry if they'll be happy when we're gone.
we worry if they'll not want us,
sendus to old folks home.

when we die,
we still worry,
whether our children will fight over the inheritance.
whether they'll live in harmony,
whether they'll live to a ripe old age.
--------------
all these worrying. -.-
wheres the enjoyment then. tell me.
i want to know.
i want to know the point of me living.
i want to live for a purpose.

if i live to die at the same time worrying,
i shouldn't have come into this world in the first place.
is this something anyone can tell me?
blah i feel so meaningless.
so useless.

it's like,
i can't help anyone do something at all.
why is it this way..
dang,
damn it.. ;x