why am i always like this.

i feel like crying but i can't
i want to cry in school,
but not infront of everyone.
i pla
i want everyone to think,
i am strong,
i'm happy and everything.
because that's what i am to everyone isn't it.

nobody ever knew how i felt.
i joke around,
i play hard.
it'sbecauseiwanteveryonearoundmetobehappy.
nobodyeverknewhowmuchithurtformetoseeafriendfall.
everyoneonlyknewijokedanddidn'tcare.

nobody ever knew how hard it was,
for me to wake up and face each day.
nobody ever knew how hard it was for me to smile.
easier to smile,
harder to frown.
i'm feeling the opposite then huh.

it's so hard to think about tomorrow,
when i'm already struggling with today.
i have dreams,
but they all seem so far away.

i know i suck,
i ponned CCA and everything.
it's my fault.
i know it myself.

i'm always absent when we need a full team.
i'm always messing things up when we train hard.
i'm always joking about when we want to win.
it's no wonder our hopes are so screwed.
its all because of me.

sometimes i wish everyone hated me.
so i wouldn't feel so guilty.
everyone seems to treat me so well,
i don't deserve all these.

i'm scared of being lonely,
i admit it.
but i'm always throwing everyone who needed a friend aside,
always at the wrong time.

i'm selfish,
disgraceful,
i suck,
and i'm always pulling people down.

who am i to talk about friends,
when i can't even be one.
i thought i cared,
i thought i could do everything for everyone.
but it seems that i'm always failing.

sorry,
sheena, yunyi, jiahui.
i know you all really want to win,
but i can't find my motivation.

it always feels so hard to start running,
it feels so hard to move my body.
it's because of me.
who am i to blame steven quek.

he was right,
it all happened because of my irresponsibility.
i always pushed everything aside with a reason.
i don't even deserve to be in track.

youwererightnicole,
istillrememberwhatyousaid,
evenifitwasforfun,
isuckbigtime,
andi'llneverchange.
i'malwaysthecauseforeveryone'ssuffering.
i'mpathetic,uselessandabum.